How to stage a drug-abuse intervention

The tragic death of Liam Payne and the court verdict on Gregor Bauld have been sad lessons in the destruction of addiction for young people

The past week has been one of desperate, drug-related if-onlys. First we had the tragic death of Liam Payne; then came the court verdict on 23-year-old Gregor Bauld – who fatally stabbed his mother outside their Leicestershire home following a row over his drug use. Both have been sad lessons in how destructive addiction can be for young people. 
In Payne’s case, the locally reported toxicology reports suggesting that pink cocaine (methamphetamine, ketamine and MDMA), crack cocaine and benzodiazepine were in his system at the time of his third-floor balcony fall are agonising given he’d previously been so frank about his struggles with alcohol and substance abuse. This lethal combination of drugs, which can make people more aggressive (particularly in the case of benzodiazepines) and alter your state of mind, was a salutary reminder that controlling a cocktail like this is basically impossible. 
As for Bauld: his sentencing next month for manslaughter on the basis of diminished responsibility – a charge for which he pleaded guilty, after being cleared of murder – is telling. The drugs – which he had used since his early teens – had put him “in the grip of a destructive cycle of drug abuse,” according to prosecutor Gordon Aspden KC. Blood and urine samples showed “striking” traces of drugs, including LSD and ketamine – the latter of which, in excessive quantities, can also provoke high levels of aggression and violent behaviour.
The Baulds reacted in the way one suspects most parents would to finding drugs on their child: they confiscated them, found more, and threatened to flush them down the toilet. There was a confrontation, his mother Christine Bauld left the property to walk the dog, but her son Gregor followed her out and fatally stabbed her. 
These high-profile tragedies are a reminder that dealing with behaviours which spiral into proclivities that are harmful – both to your child and much-cherished family – is both incredibly difficult and critically important.
Perhaps, of course, you might think that addiction could never happen to your child, or that excess drinking or drug taking is just a phase, a rite of passage to adulthood. A good telling off might do the trick, no? But how do you recognise when something that might have started out as relatively harmless experimentation has turned into a real issue? And, more importantly, what do you say or do to nip it in the bud – or stop it getting out of hand?
“It might not always feel like it, but you can be the best person to talk to your child about drugs and alcohol,” says Agnes Wootton, Head of Young Persons Service Delivery in the South at WithYou – a drug, alcohol and mental health charity.
Generally, the advice is to not make those initial conversations a big deal involving loads of people; the Hollywood image of family interventions isn’t largely that helpful – those sessions might come later with the help of professional mediators.
This is what Linda* from the Scottish Borders ended up having to do when her older son “slowly slid” into addictions. Now 25, Max started using substances, including alcohol, cocaine and benzodiazepines, when he was 17 years old. 
“At first it was hard to believe what was happening,” she says. “No one in our family has issues, so it never even entered my head that this would happen. You feel so powerless. I told him: ‘I don’t want to go to your funeral.’
Meanwhile, Linda’s partner got angry, affecting their relationship, and her younger twin daughters were in tears asking if he was going to die.
“People always have their opinions and some might have thought I should cut him loose. But he’s still my child. It’s a really difficult, complicated relationship.”
At heart, Linda says Max is a kind and caring boy. She was in the best position to help him, she just didn’t know how to at that point. 
And yet, here’s the thing – it’s safety in numbers, right? When you’re frightened your child is going to run off or trash the place at the merest hint of confrontation about their extra-curricular activities, it certainly won’t feel like you’re the best person to have this chat. But you can be… at the right point.
Once you’ve kept lots of people out of the equation, you need to go one step further: the secret to any kind of breakthrough is to schedule any conversation away from any moments of confrontation or tension. So don’t tack the issue on to the end of an already heated argument, and don’t antagonise by making accusations. Certainly don’t raise anything while the user is intoxicated, which will only make an already bad situation even worse. Be prepared, too, for what you’re going to say – and the reaction you’re likely to get. 
“People often become defensive when any behaviour, such as their drinking or drug use, is challenged,” says Wootton. “It is likely that they will feel threatened. You can help to defuse this by starting your sentences, ‘I’m worried about…’, rather than ‘You have a problem’.
“But yes, pick a time when you won’t be disturbed, watch for ‘green light’ moments when they are engaged with you and seem open to talking. Then it’s about recognising that you aren’t going to sort everything out in one go; expect this to be the first of many conversations. Focus on short, clear messages delivered calmly and with kindness and compassion.” 
Calm, rational chats are of course, the best case scenario. But what happens when things do get heated? Though in both the Payne and Bauld cases violence was involved (as we’ve seen, mainly down to the kinds of drugs they had taken), the general advice is that if a conversation is getting out of hand, it’s best to end it.
“This doesn’t mean you’ve failed,” says Wootton. “Just say something like, ‘OK, that’s enough for now but please can we keep having these chats?’”
Which, of course, is a bit of an emotional rollercoaster, but Wootton sees it all the time. “It’s very normal for it to take several attempts for someone to access support,” she says. 
This sounds counter-intuitive but unilaterally taking the drugs out of the situation isn’t necessarily the best option for a successful addiction outcome. All it actually does is cause more confrontation and anxiety.
“It’s important not to confiscate the drugs or alcohol without professional advice,” says Wootton. “The withdrawal symptoms from some drugs can be severe and cravings can persist for some time. Some drugs are psychologically addictive, others are physically addictive and some are both. Some substances also have fatal withdrawal symptoms, like alcohol for example.”
Regardless of the substance or even the perceived level of the problem, drugs and alcohol services have expert workers and clinicians trained in supporting and advising young people and families. (In the case of the now-sober Max, WithYou teamed up with his family and friends to teach him healthier coping mechanisms, get him back into biking and encourage him to do some gardening for his grandmother and her neighbours.)
In fact, Wootton says it’s often beneficial to reach out before speaking to a child rather than using them as the last resort.
“In the end I just told WithYou I didn’t know what to do,” says Linda. “I was at my wit’s end, doing everything I could possibly do to help him, but I wasn’t helping myself. 
“I’ve only recently settled down when the phone rings,” she adds. “For quite a while, if someone phoned late at night I would nearly have a heart attack. I was the same if I heard a siren. My immediate thought is that it was him. I had prepared myself for that knock on the door from the police, for hearing them say ‘I’m sorry…’. You can’t get on with your life when you’re thinking like that.
“I have had to take time off work to go looking for him. People would call me and say they’d seen him and he wasn’t looking well, he was staggering about the street.
“I was always stressed about what he might have taken, wondering if he had eaten… I was wrapped up in it.” 
Max reached a nadir, when “he woke up in a cell and asked why there were stickers on his chest,” says Linda “He couldn’t remember being in hospital, hooked up to a heart monitor, the day before. When he was going down, he was pulling me down with him. [So] WithYou changed a lot of ways of thinking and how I dealt with my son.”
And a lot of that came in the realisation that looking after herself and getting non-judgemental advice. “It’s helped me such a huge amount; you can let it all out to someone who will truly listen. Of course you can speak to friends but they will always have an opinion on what to do.”
“I look at people in the street differently now,” she adds. “At one point I might have been judgemental. But now I know they’re a person with challenges. And behind them, there’s a family.”
*Linda and Max’s names have been changed on condition on anonymity